Child-ish

I was afraid I would never be enough so I wanted to grow up to prove them wrong. Then I realized to grow up would prove them to be right, so I stayed a child, out to prove nothing, just to be alive.

 

There I was a boy, boldly making statements like I will be an actor, I will never stop dreaming, I will change the world.
I did not know it was dangerous to speak from the heart amongst adults, they would reply with a smile or “cute kid” not taking your chants seriously and even sometimes those who have already given up would reply: You will see when you grow up, it’s not that easy, you will understand when you work…
I did not know at the time, but that is the world’s reaction to something uncomfortable because sometimes people make excuses for why they gave up. I am not a child anymore and I still hear it, different voices same excuses or as a friend used to say (same shit different toilet)

Now I hear wait till you married or wait till you have children, and I am sure if I do get married and get a child I will hear the same (FLUSH)
Wait you only have one child, that is easy, wait till you have 3, or they would say you’re lucky because…

There will always be an excuse and there will always be adversity to a life lived alive.
There, is bravery and an inner knowing within children and unfortunately, it slowly dies in us sometimes because the onslaught we face when being yourself because it becomes uncomfortable to people who forgot the child in themselves.
A child’s statements sometimes might sound boastful and sometimes silly, yet mostly they speak without fear I remember when I made statements like yuk kissing eww. I was wrong there I do enjoy a kiss.

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I also remember feeling a strength within me something almost unshakeable I just knew I am going to enjoy being me standing on tree branches, knowing I have this life and I can’t wait to explore, sadly a lot of that has died, because of fear mostly, and because sometimes arrogance wanting to prove people wrong, yet I am aware and not blame-shifting I know when and where and why I gave up on certain things and not bullshitting myself gives me chance to resurrect that part of the child within.

Losing the inner child is a death every day until you find yourself again.
You must find yourself again, you know that child in you never dies only gets suppressed and maybe scared as you believe the lies of fear.
The child, (the you) inside you is beautiful and precious and knows the truth. knows you, in one of my poems I wrote
“I guess that’s why Jesus called the children closer he wanted to deal with real people.”

I remember writing that as a bit of a punch at that time, what I do believe is God does not make us incomplete and calls the child in us, as we are bold, free, loving, unashamed and beautiful calls the child forward to the playground come and play, enjoy and be you.
I was afraid I would never be enough so I wanted to grow up to prove them wrong. Then I realized to grow up would prove them to be right, so I stayed a child, out to prove nothing, just to be alive.
BE ALIVE!!!!
Peace and Love

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