Twenty to thirty seconds to wash your hands use sanitiser, focus on washing all of your hands this is what the experts say. Made me wonder how dirty was my hands before this, how much dirt and bacteria did I live with?
What infection do you hold
No longer can I shake
This guilty conscious
Self believe was and still is a bit of a struggle for me, often I felt like things where my fault, I would walk into a room and if someone was down I would wonder how did I hurt this person, how am I at fault because I must be, it was a very selfish mindset because it was all about me always focused on how I caused pain and how bad I am and then the Me, me, me, pity party. I thrived in the darkness as if it was keeping me safe and it was the way to gain attention, I did not think of it that way then, it was my reality at that moment, it was just the way I believed things to be.
I think we feel dirty we feel as if we are this creation filled with mistakes needing sanitiser for our soul.
I am the dirty mud of an angry God
I am unworthy of such light
I am a mistake trying to be right
I am unholily seeking to become whole.
To live as if every action we make carries either a curse or blessing from a distant God can lay heavy on our hearts. Is it okay for me to write, is it wrong to notice a beautiful girl, today I did not read the bible but I did a Facebook post, I listened to Eminem and not a worship band, we did not look after each other and now we have the next plague, how dirty have our hands become?
This is draining and cursed way to live life.
We are not Atlas we do not carry the world on our shoulders.
I can remember that when I lived in the dark of performance, I could have never lived up to standard,
it seems silly now but I lived a life where I could fail in pouring someone a glass of water, the wrong temperature, not fast enough, too little, too much the list goes on, let us say I did pour a glass of water for someone and they would have preferred water from the fridge, then it was not just an oops, I was bad my identity got pined as a failure and it was I who would pin it right on my hart and carry that weight because I should have asked first or I should of know because…
What am I?
How do I become
Why oh why
Do I cause what I do not want
All I wanted was to be good.
I remember when I was young when my dad or mother helped me wash my hand I remember their fingers between mine and the gentile strength and how I would laugh because it was a little ticklish. I think of God like this, my hands have been cleaned long ago, soul sanitised from the start of it all, His hands hold mine a ticklish sensation but safe and home. It is still sometimes hard to say but God does not create a SHIT human, and when I started to believe and see that I am good the more I realised that I was good, the more I wanted to be me and that made me even better than I thought I was. sound batshit crazy I know but no less true.
Now I am discovering that we are good and beautiful and we live making choices and they can cause harm and they can make a virus spread, that can happen and did but that is not our identity we must pin it to our already heavy hearts. I am realising that at our core we good, not who we believe ourselves to be but who we are is good and realising that in myself has changed my life forever.
Dust scraped together, by Loving hands
Built a castle
Where loving hands now stay.
Loving hands built a man with clean hands.
Hand in hand we walk.
Have our hands ever been this clean? No, I do not think so its as if the human race is going through a fullscale spring clean, and it is important to wash your hands keep them clean wash for twenty seconds or more and wash them good.
Be safe, stay healthy, wash your hands.
Thank you for reading
Peace and Love.