Day 18 and I am sitting by the keyboard and I feel as if I want to write up a storm and yet at the same time I have nothing to write, I feel emotional and I feel excited I feel as if I am figuring things out and as if I am also missing out, I am stealing a phrase from a wise friend of mine Mark, I feel as if I am in a snowglobe
and it’s been shaking maybe tumbling down a hill and I have no clue what’s happening and yet inside this snow globe of madness, I am calm honestly this just does not make sense.
Let me start with my concern, most of us are worried about the health and safety of our loved ones especially if they are far from us, my parents they stay in another province and I feel to somewhat powerless not that I could backhand Covid_19 if I saw it creeping on them.
I worry about many of my friends in Pretoria who I know will have a financial battle, and know many face violence at their homes and I worry about them and feel again just this sense of hopelessness.
The excitement is, I feel as if some parts of my life have become more clear as if I started to see what I have been neglecting within myself and it is becoming more obvious for me what to do, especially when it comes to writing, end of last year I started to focus more on my writing giving myself deadlines and started blogging regularly and all this has made me see more clearly, the events of this pandemic I guess has propelled me forward just that little bit faster.
The unknow is, I know what to do but there are so many open options of how to do and that brings some uncertainty that brings fear and excitement, I want to improve my blogs I have some ideas and I have many questions and I know to tackle them one step at a time.
(If you have any please leave a comment and tell me what you have learned from blogging, tips and or ideas, or if you would like to write a blog about a certain thing just leave it in the comment section)
I have a youtube channel that I have recently been uploading again after longer than a year of no activity I ask myself how, when, where, why?
Every little question I figure most people have when starting something like youtube. while asking the questions I realise how free we truly are and that is beautiful intimidating.
I can choose any way to write and film my poem and post it, that is breaking my brain because far too often I created with the limitations of other peoples judgment and now slowly breaking free of that (I mean slower than a snail) I see how truly free we are to create.
I have a billion questions or at least it feels that way, of how to approach today and tomorrow I will ask myself again how do I do today,
and I have no answer all I am trying now is to write every day and take some time to be still because in this snow glob free fall I can either tumble with all the particles or I can just drift off to the middle, the eye of the snowglobe storm and be at peace and just trust.
I leave you with today’s poem.
They were there.
They were there, friends, family, neighbours.
All behind their walls.
We could not hear their calls,
Our eyes could not see
but now with the crumble and fall
our vision seems clearer.
What more walls have our hearts to break
For us to see?
Peace and Love
Thank you for reading.