Change, I am who I am,
You are to small change
You can not buy me a new life
you are too little too late
Change, I am who I am.
What is this thing change, and why does it seem like it must happen to everybody as if it is an important thing to go through.
I don’t know what we fear about change but we are afraid, it seems either we are sensitive and feel accused as if something is wrong with and we kick up against it why should we change, am I not enough?
On the other hand, the work of changing seems to be too much so we claim to be a certain way and we will not change. I have heard many people claim something which they are not as part of themselves, I have done it countless of times, a silly thing like I struggled at school various reasons but if a teacher would try and motivate me or challenge me and say I could do better, that all I needed to do is to focus on school work and just work harder come for the extra class, I would just say I am stupid that’s who I am. A part of me truly believed it so even the idea of trying, would wear on me because I believed this lie and I was afraid of the change the amount of work that I had to do to catch up was far too intimidating, but now I know that I just hid behind lies and fear.
The thing about change is it is only up to you, this is something I am seeing more and more and learning in a somewhat unfortunate manner, the thing is in life there are challenges in front of us that might require some adapting to or complete change and we become scared, vulnerable, and defensive, all of us are facing this COVID_19 and it is begging for change the way we live, the way we earn a living, and many more ways and it is easy to say but this is not how it is suppose to be but for now we have to change and we have to adapt in this battle.
we can be extremely stubborn, we hope that people or situations around us will change and maybe I sound bit negative when I say this but often they don’t often the things we are in will stay as-is, and sometimes the situations are unhealthy and change must happen but, we might say they have to change this is not my fault, they/him/her must change, while waiting it might be painful for you and the change never comes, unless you take the courageous step of change whatever that is, maybe the change is you stepping up and speaking out, maybe it is you changing the way you look at things or even scarier maybe it is you walking away and that is daunting, I know but sometimes we drink a slow poisen by holding on and placing all the responsibility for a better situasion on the other party, the hands of the clock always come back to twelve (unless it has broken) what I mean to say is that often we live in a circle and we can break trough just by a small change mostly it just takes a change of view to see a straight path.
I wonder if a caterpillar, ever fights the change to butterfly, I wonder if it just realises the truth of what it always has been. I wonder if chameleon ever battles to change if they commit to colour and say, I am blue that’s what I am, or do they know what we struggle to believe that even if their skin keeps changing that they have always been themselves.
Change has been on my mind this past week because I have seen how nothing changes for years how we can get stuck in a very large rut, where we have seasons but it is not changing and we go around in circles and after a year or more we just start it again, I have seen extremely large circles we get caught in and it seems things are different like it changes but it is just a different season to repeat later.
I have heard this phrase, nothing changes unless you do, I have been in an enormous rut I could barely notice that it was just a repeat of something and now I want to change it but this has proven to be difficult because change looks often like an alienating process and I am afraid but I know that I do not want to just be another cog that keeps this circle circulating.
Change, I am who I am.
I hear you coming closer
I see that you still want me
You just want me differently
You want more of me.
I accept Change.
Thank you for reading
Peace and Love.