I hear her speak
I feel her breath on my skin
Not a word I can make out
She speaks with no sound
I listened for the words I knew
I tied to find the letters I have been taught
But not a word or letter I understood.
A firm handshake is offered between new acquaints, but with friends, something new develops an intricate handshake fingers clicking hands slapping quick shoulder to shoulder another slap and click some form of hand gesture usually accompanied with a confidant smile.
A goal is scored on the soccer field and the team celebrates together each one knows what to do the team shows their strength and connectedness by celebrating with their detailed handshake, while the other team gestures questions why were you not where you supposed to have been.
A couple at an event mingles in a crowed in-between all the voices and activity they look at each other and they know they agreed it’s time to go or time to tell them of the thing.
In war, it’s most important to establish strong communication and often one of the goals on either side is to destroy how the other is communicating to leave them in the dark.
In any relationship communication is key.
When I was young I had no problem communicating with my heart it was barley thought mostly we lived in agreement, I want to run and I ran because my heart and I, we’re on the same wavelength, I just acted there was no pontification or deciphering of what is it saying it beat and I did, I think with time I lost the connection because other people’s opinions became something I started listening to, I spent my time understanding the langue’s of common opinion and the “shoulds” in life, I listened to hear what are the words, that I am supposed to say, all the while the voice of my heart fades into a quiet murmur, I forgot the tongue of my soul and adopted the speech of fear, often learning the langue of fear, comes at the cost of your mother tongue.
Well I believe in many ways it did for me, I remember the days I was freer and I did not hold so tightly on the opinion of others or what they thought of me, but time went by and my heartbeat its music behind closed doors and now I can hear it still beat its drum but I cannot find the room where her music is played, it’s been a while since I have spent time with my heart, just sitting and discovering who I am, most of us know ourselves, there is no secrete we keep from ourselves, but I believe there are parts of ourselves that we have not discovered, it’s as if one of Gods greatest gifts to us, is ourselves we are our own beautiful mystery to unravel, I like how at a beginning of friendship we ask all those little questions to find out who the person is what is your favorite, food, music, game, but then we sometimes cannot answer it seems easy what is your favourite but why do we not know?
Sometimes we know we like a sunrise more than a sunset or whatever but we are not sure why, and that is still the simple questions, my point that I am stumbling across is that to know one’s heart one needs a relationship with her and often we just don’t spend that time with ourselves.
The heart, she is never quite you can hear the beat of her drum, and then it gets hard to understand your heart because lack of relationship her language is an unknown one and while she speaks, the other you know well start to raise their voices and then under pressure it seems very unclear, and we make statements like, I don’t know what I want, I do not know who I am, I feel lost, well that’s how it felt for me.
Rediscovering myself and the langue of my heart has been an amazing feeling and often frustrating because of all the other voices I have learned to value, now it’s not too much of a challenge to understand but the challenge now seems to be, to trust and not be afraid of the what-ifs, writing this book of poems is a great example I know that I wanted to write it, and it took me forever largely because I do not always trust myself and fear of what people will think when they read it, will I look like fraud will I be exposed as being mediocre, I immediately dull her voice again, and listen to fear, but I know that she spoke I have heard her now all I need to do is listen and trust.
Understanding what our heart is whispering consistently can be difficult and when we start to know what she speaks it can be scary, the words of Frodo come to mind again “I know what I must do but I am afraid to do it.”
Spend time with your heart, go for a walk, and think of what you like and why. You can hear her whisper even in small things start trusting the feelings and act on it build that relationship, know that she will forever beat her song asking you to dance she is fighting for you, be fought for, put on your dancing shoes and tango.
I hear her speak.
I do not know her words.
but her breath is the wind I trust as I set sail.