Enough vs Honest

My poetry seems to be changing from “enough” to what is “honest.”
As I have said (wrote) many times is that I have always been writing even though I have been unaware of it, it was not a conscious choice to put pen to paper, I just needed to express, and writing is the language of my heart so I wrote.
One of the disadvantage because of how natural it came is that I neglected to focuses on the skills that writing has, for example, breathing comes naturally to most of us, that means most of us don’t focus on the skills of breathing, if it is holding your breath or breathing calmly while under pressure or doing things like Wim Hof breathing or Rickson Gracie fire breathing, there are many different ways and technique to breathing out there that we don’t spend time on crafting or practising, and that is what I am realising more with my writing I was breathing I did it never focused on the inhale and exhale, spelling, grammar, in whose voice the piece wrote in and…
If you are breathing and not doing vipassana or any of those other techniques, does not mean you are breathing wrong it just means that there are unexplored ways you might actually find fun and maybe even helpful, again that is same with writing I don’t think that I have been doing it wrong and I am a lesser breather/writer because of it, but because I love it, I want to explore.

“Enough”
My writing has been the same for years, and then I heard spoken word and I quickly adopted the style I did not hold back, I went in head first of the diving board and submerged myself barely coming up for air, as if I wanted to drink the whole pool, I almost could not help to write that style even sometimes falling into the habit mid-conversation with someone fall into a slam poet mode, I listened often to the likes of Anis Mojgani, Buddy Wakefield, Andrea Gibson, and Shane Koyczan, and my speech adopted their styles, and at open mics, I did what was enough added music and my mind but not my voice, I was unaware that I did this because I just saw it as the way.
Never truly exploring different ways or thoughts, never pushing boundaries and not seeking within, what I wrote about was my heart it was me, but the way I presented it, was not in my voice I did not know I had one.

The move, I moved to a place called Bethlehem and here there are no open mic poetry or slams and I think this is what I needed because, on the quite fields, I started to discover something different within me, something I did not know of a voice.

“Honest”
Breaking away from the influences that I had, (by the way most amazing people and influences that pushed me to create and believe that it is possible, all the people accepting and kind, honestly amazing people.) Breaking away allowed me to hear my voice whisper, and the funny thing is I had to hear more voice to hear mine.
I started reading more with no goal or intension, I just like reading but reading was a different voice from what I heard, and the more I read the more voices I heard, I started reading more, more poetry and listening to different poets even ones I don’t particularly like, but the more voices I heard the clearer mine became.Note1
It’s as if I only heard the one note in my life just the one, then it’s hard to imagine another but listening to 5 keys on a piano and you start to hear that there is a range of notes to play, play ten keys and you can start imagining another. The more keys I heard the larger range I had to find myself in.

Reading not only broadened how to write but it is helping my vocabulary and spelling (though I have a long way to go) it is a funny thing to be a writer and you cannot spell that well.

Now I have yet to discover my voice, I do believe that it is ever-changing and expanding but I have discovered more of me and almost better I have found the false notes, the writer I am not, and that right now to me is very important because I can look at my work and notice the imposter I can notice the false beliefs or laziness when I slip into something comfortable, that old pair of shoes that have been walked in for years, it is hard putting on your sweet two-tone dancing shoes and you barley dance, but stumbling across this floor and enduring the blisters you find something more than just a style and a voice you find an honest expression and I am loving this discovery.
Now I turn up the music listen to every note, squeeze on my toe tones and Write!!!
Dance with me as you discover your voice.

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Thank you for reading
Peace and Love.

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