Okay so project “Thank you,” is done posted yesterday and now I just hope that somehow Amanda will see it, and life goes on.
Walking past the only mirror in our house I am reminded that I shaved my eyebrows and coloured my beard red, I forget and seeing myself in the mirror is a delightful surprise.
Moments come and go
Eyebrows grow, back
And beards turn black
A reflection that resembles someone like me
Asked, what now…
I am excited for what is to come, I know that mountains are left to climb and I feel a bit more prepared, cherishing a moment and holding on to one is two different things and I do not want to neglect what I have done but nor do I want to hold on to it as if this is “The thing” I have done there is more to do, more to discover, more to create, more to explore, more moments that will come.
Poetry has been knocking on the doors of my heart this past two weeks and I feel lighter to write again I have placed a lot of mental pressure on myself causing fear to creep in and stopping me from flowing freely, I have been listening to music I did a while ago and the poets I did in the beginning and as I stated in a previous blog I felt it make a shift in me, now with this project “thank you” I felt as if I have been defibrillated a surge of energy pulsing into my heart and I can almost hear the words swirling in my head, clamouring to come out to play on the page, I say, not yet, not now, almost but not yet, I am not sure what I am waiting for.
I know this time I am not holding back and this is not fear this is almost savouring the moment and reminding myself how it once felt. Writing, was a deep and honest experience and for a long while that feeling went in hiding and I placed borders and systems to get it done I forgot a bit how to play.
Project “Thank you” Reminded me it is your heart that wants to come out and play best not to deny yourself such joyous moments, so now I count to ten and say ready or not here I come, knowing that the fun of hiding is getting caught.
Facing myself in the mirror I have been reminded on what I have done bur also reminded that change is happening, little hairs are growing back and the fiery red now becomes a dying flame and the black of my beard slowly returns and I see that the things I have done, only made space for growth I look at this reflection of a Richard a little bit different than usual and see old scares and new marks, more skin and some new lines as if my body is a map of what was once explored but the map also invites new exploration as it is not a finished map there is no x marks the spot the treasure is the map, the treasure is life.
Thank you for reading Peace and Love.