They are at my fingertips all twenty-six and yet a word I cannot write.
The way I have been writing poems is changing this year, I am enjoying this “cocoon” phase I am in where it feels as if I am a little bit stuck but I know I am not, I am only in the process of understanding that I have wings.
I am excited to break free and fly, poetry was a natural action to me like breathing it was just a way I process things, falling in love or family troubles, and even when I was excited about a race or an event and it was a way I felt easiest to express my heart to God.
My poetry recently felt a little bit poisoned when I started to focus on it as a job I placed the pressure of what a successful life looks like on it, my poems must be on a certain standard before it can be exposed and before I make a living of it (meaning, making money), I forgot that I was already living (no need to make a living when you are already living.) I forgot poetry was my expression of life.
Forgetting that, has made it more of a calculated task and it became heavy and even my words became weighted as if I was forcing it in a mould, I just did not fit in.
Writing with the guillotine of acceptance is a fearful way to write and cuts away creativity and honesty, it is a heavy burden because in the back of your mind you judge what peoples perspective might be and in my case either I judge them and myself to harsh I could never live up to the expectations that I perceive that people might have.
Now I feel as if I am in a cocoon and it won’t be too long before I break free, poetry is new again to me, it’s as if I am walking back into the house I lived in where I grow up and seeing that the kitchen counter is not that high nor the walls and the tree I used to climb that it was small branches I sat on that branches would not hold me now everything is the same but still different and if I want to climb that tree I just have to approach it differently I might fly to the top soon because I feel my wings, all I need to do is still wait and as I often say just breath, I feel it coming back to me, I feel the confidence grow, I feel my wings want to show me the sky.
Now with a couple of projects in my back pocket, I am becoming more and more excited to work on and to release the projects, that I have been rambling on about for so long, I see and feel that everyday things are happening shifts are being made and that makes me want to break free, I feel the growing pains of these wings and the hunger to fly, but I know that wings first need to fully mature before breaking free, the time is close but not yet.
Thank you all for reading and being part of this journey, I am thankful for every read like and share you are water to a tiny seed thank you.
Peace and Love.