Hope, I have made you enemy.
To me, you were a painful thing
Like holding on to the rope that burns
All I felt was my heart that yearns
You where a knock on my door, only to open to cold winds.
The heaviest burden, the yoke I could not carry
The light was what you were supposed to be
So a joke you became to me.
What I did not see
I was wishing
Wishing on dead stars to grant desires of ease
Wishes is an attractive sleaze
Wishing came as a breeze
Close your eyes make a wish
Life will change as quickly as a sneeze
Wishes are infatuation
While hope you are love
Hope withstands the cold wind from empty doors
Hope holds the hand that burns
Hope you are not a candle blown out
Our a shout to dying stars
You are bright blaze
You are the Son being born.
Often I have confused hope with wishing, to hope on something, and to wish for something are two entirely different things. What is the coast of the life I wish for, a penny, or an eyelash?
Wishes seem to require no action all it takes is the dying of the light, birthday candles or stars or break a bone and if luck with you and you have the special piece you can make a wish or the death of an eyelash or pennies swallowed by a well, what is the exchange rate on dreams?
Have we made God a wish-granting deity who needs some exchange for the desires of our hearts, have we made as if God has no interest in us, other than what we can bring to the table so our prayers have transformed into bargaining, and we exchange, good deeds for blessings, we sell ourselves short for humility and then we go to church to get an update on our investments, to see if we rise to heaven or lower to hell all the while wishing on a distant God, to see us.
I remember sitting in church wishing that God would see me that word would come my way that, I would be noted as one of the select few.
I do not want to make this as if it is a Rubik’s cube, solve the puzzle that is God, faith, hope, and love spin them in enough ways and you will get them to match, all I have noticed is how I communicate with God and when I speak as if I am rubbing the lamp and making wishes and when I am in a conversation with God filled with hope, my language is different the way I feel is different, maybe not best to write what cannot be explained but the best way I can describe it is I make wishes when I feel afraid, guilty, feel not worthy, I have to grovel I have to barging, strike a deal to earn the respect and maybe the wish will be granted, I often did not do my home work and there was a teacher I feared and all I needed was one more demerit and I would sit Friday detention, all I could do is wish, and tell him that I would sit trough break and do my home work I would say “please I don’t want to sit detention please what must I do tell me I will do anything” you know something in that line, when I was younger I thought I needed to beg my brother for us to play games but I did not then see him as my brother I saw him as this superior being who will deny my request or if I do not do enough good, but he could have mercy on my poor soul if I do good.
Missing how much he loves me and I love him, at times did not understand the relationship and thought it was on a reward system I think many of us feel this way with God.
Hope feels more walking with love and trust, now I trust my brother if we play games or not it does not affect our love for each other, playing the game with him or not, does not reveal the extent of our connection, I ask freely as who I am knowing who he is.
Hope is not something I have figured out nor do I want to figure it out but I notice the feeling and I enjoy the feeling, the feeling is good.
I hope J that you all enjoyed reading.
Peace and Love.