For long I have battled for freedom everything was ball and chain, I kicked against the establishment and stuck it to the man I wanted freedom, I balled my fists and fought against the “musts” the “you have to”, you have to go to school, you have to dress this way, you have to study you have to get a job you have to walk this way run that way you have to, every place had a “have to”, and I was a man alone, the lonely freedom fighter waging war.
Now I see that my fight was miss guided, I felt an itch and scratched my whole body still missing the spot that brought the discomfort.
Freedom, what is this word that causes so much strife?
What is it to be free? Everybody has their jail and we blame life for our incarceration, and I thought that swimming upstream being different would bring me my freedom but again I was wrong. Freedom is this small word I flung around like a great ax cutting nothing, I want to be free, I was a feared heart shouting freedom.
Freedom evaded me because I went on a warpath and being in a war is a self-made prison, I fought shadows and ghosts I made the chains that bind me I built Alcatraz I was jailer and prisoner I caused my heart to live behind bars because I was blind I struggled to see what I was doing because I believed life to be one way and now with a new set of eyes and fresh breath I believe that I am starting to see, what this ting is called freedom.
Freedom should be more like breathing it must happen without thinking if freedom becomes a task it means you are only living in what you believe freedom is, an idea and that is a prison itself, freedom is what naturally happens when you are yourself.
(again not the idea of who you are, an action to do or statement to make that you are yourself, no, being yourself is also breathing comes naturally, we see it in children, they are themselves, and that’s what we see sense and sometimes envy freedom.)
Being yourself is a natural reaction to knowing that you are loved.
I don’t want to make it as if these are the steps to life or freedom but after years of war inside me I have realized that I often fought battles but it was only with myself and that often all that must be done is to let go and trust, I was on this path of becoming myself instead of being myself instead of to just breathe, I see now that the things I wanted, does not always need to be fought for because I already had it.
I wanted to be free, but I was afraid of being myself and then I would never be free, I was not myself because I was afraid that I was not enough that I would not be loved, only now I am tasting freedom I still have the keys to my cell in my pocket, because I don’t always believe the truth, the truth that I am loved and enough no matter what, I still stumble across the measuring staff and feel less than but now more than ever I feel the freedom of Love
Love is freeing and lives inside of us.
Thank you for reading
Peace and Love and…