I do not know what to do but I know right now that I can not stop, there are many questions and attempting to answer them I feel as if it only brings more questions, but what I know is right now I must not stop. stopping, makes it harder to start, stopping sometimes gives space for your mind to bitch about you, and question your sanity, it seems that you receive most damage between rounds, obviously, you are getting punched in the round but sitting back in your corner and your body has time to realise what has been happening and wants to start the recovery process and yet there are still rounds left, legs stiff you stand up here we go again, when running long distance it is dangerous to just stop and sit down before you finish, getting up and getting back into stride seems, now more of a battle than the race itself.
I guess it is not that I do not know what to do, its more that I am tired, it is being unsure how many rounds are left, it is being afraid because the end is still uncertain, afraid of trying and not making the finish line, what race/fight is after this?
I know what I need to do but the outcome is uncertain, I think I have often made a success the finish line, but that’s not the line.
I don’t even think there is a line it is living this beautiful life alive as yourself, it is doing what you love, for me, it is writing this book, and doing what is required to finish it, but after that, there is more writing to be done, no line to cross no bell to be rung, but a life to be alive in.
The questions I have will reveal itself in the journey, will writing bring a stable income one day? I do not know, maybe but that’s not the last round nor finish line, I can not stop to think about it, I know what I need to do now is write as much as I can and spend time with this love of mine.
I must not burden this with fearful questions. I know what I must do its just, I am afraid to do it.
I honestly believe many of us know what we have to do but we are paralysed by fear and disguise fear with questions, and trying to figure out things, but what we want is certainty and often when it comes to things of the heart the answer is faith.
Why do I write? I trust the feeling inside me that speaks to me, I trust this compass called love. I have no clue where this is going to go, what will happen with this blog, all I know is that I want to write and keep at it and I want to write more honest I want to create blogs that inspire and that you enjoy to read I love writing so I write and I trust.
What will happen with the books I am working on? No clue I have my hopes of what I want to achieve so I work at it, but right now all I can do is trust, I mean, I can die while I write even this pieces, and then what I don’t know I just trust.
Does any of it make sense? Honestly, I am not sure, i don’t think so but I have faith and I trust.
I hope that you enjoyed reading.
Peace and Love.